Dear reader,

I recently stumbled across an article on George Galloway. An interesting work, it told me much that explained the strange actions of this inimitable politician. I can't vouch for the validity of the work, but it is interesting nonetheless.

George Galloway is actually part horse. Affectionately known as Gee-Gee by his mother, the young Galloway grew up in the Scottish borders in the area known as Dumfries and Galloway. This, in a similar way to the action hero archaeologist Indiana Jones, accounts for his surname (his mother's name was Enid Bruton and his father's was Shergar). The name George was given in tribute to the English painter, George Stubbs, who was a friend of horses and may have painted the family.

The young Galloway was not fond of school and would often skip classes to frolic in the fields chasing butterflies and eating wild grasses. Some say it is here that he developed the leftist tendencies that would later bear fruit in his political life. [Interestingly, Galloway did once bear two red apples, one from each of his armpits. These he offered in tribute to the former Iraqi leader, Saddam Hussein, during a visit to the troubled Middle Eastern state. The dictator was said to remark "Shefti Cuqi" which, roughly translated, means "the honour of my mother and the fate of several small countries rests upon your shoulders."]

When he took his seat in the House of Commons for the first time, the Chief Whip, as is his traditional wont, spurred back bench MPs to cover Galloway's seat with hay and make neighing and braying noises every time he made a speech. This was to continue for the first 50 days of his tenure in the House. Galloway took the light-hearted reference to his parentage in his stride, even incorporating one particularly amusing joke about Mr Ed (the talking horse) into a speech about new drink-driving laws. There wasn't a dry eye in the House.

Things went a little too far, however, when a Tory MP dumped horse manure on the bonnet of Galloway's new BMW, "for fine japes". The Chief Speaker placed a ban on future initiations, which apparently prompted Liberal leader Paddy Ashdown to ask the House: "what am I meant to do with this horse head and balls I ordered from my butcher?" The Speaker's response was not fit for publication in the next morning's edition of Hansard.

From this time onward, Galloway has managed, quite successfully, to put his equine ancestry behind. However, suspicions of animalistic traits of character were once more controversially recalled during his infamous appearance on the television show 'Celebrity Big Brother' where Galloway pretended to be a cat live on national TV. His mother commented that she was "hurt and shamed by his actions, but not in the least surprised."

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. George Galloway: part-man, part horse.

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